Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
