Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
