This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
