So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
