Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
