South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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