I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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