I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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