I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
