Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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