I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
