You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
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Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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