There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
