jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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