I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
