people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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