look no pants
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Randomize
