Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
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Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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