the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
