I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
