This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your cock deserves a montage
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
