goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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