doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?