Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
