I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
