and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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