and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
not ubering you a puppy
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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