There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
