How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
