Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize