I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize