i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
