so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
