u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
