you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
