I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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