I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
