I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
