Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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