i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
