If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
