real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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