ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
