A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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