My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
