She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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