I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
