There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
