I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
