Taylor Swift is so right about you.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
and she was petting her beer can
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Randomize
