He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
