my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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