Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
