so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
