why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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