Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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