So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
