I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Randomize
