i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How external is "for external use only"?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
