We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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