i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
