Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
