I think im going to throw up on grandma
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
