Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
