If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
birth control should be required to get into college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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