He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
