You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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