Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Im part way to drunk.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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