Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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