I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
