Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
