i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
