I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
