But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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