He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
