I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
