My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
