u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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