I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
