what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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