I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
