Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
