I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize