This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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