I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
even my farts smell like vagina
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
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