4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
