I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
