You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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