The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
