I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
