butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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